a letter to my first love.

you believe i’m a narcissist.. but..

where’s the evidence?

it was you who set the rules.

actions speak louder than words i thought?

that’s what you said.

what have i ever done that was self serving?

not said, done.

you say i talk too much about myself, but i’m so intrinsically aware that i share this life with you. it’s just easier for me to discuss our common feelings without sounding like i’m accusing.

people that always talk about you are genuinely thinking about themselves. look at their actions. everything they get from you, serves them. in what way have

you improved due to their involvement in your life? they’re just getting high off you, and you love the attention.

i don’t believe in people as tools.

there’s no me in the thing’s i speak about, only us, and i wouldn’t want to be a tool, i’ve been that too many times.

you talk about me with false empathy, only trying to find yourself in me, or leave me waning for your attention.

i talk so much because i’m tired of this. i’m desperate for the end of your selfishness. nothing i’ve ever done has benefited me. i freely lend ideas, i give endless support. i’ve walked away from money, i shy’d from the attention after showing you what it does, i opened all the doors to my soul, so you could see you weren’t alone.

i gave action.

i didn’t tell you any of my story until later, and again… you still have none of it. i just wanted my words to help you consider what others may be going through right next to you.

i’ve never been a victim. pain was a gift to me. i was the one who would hold its hand and bring it back to light. the way i waited to hold yours.

you thought i was either stupid, or unaware. lost in myself. no. i’m lost without you. we all are. you’re spreading yourself too thin. you will disappear soon if you don’t stop.

and i will be without you again.

so yeah. maybe i am selfish.

i want to keep you… you.

i don’t want to watch your words coming out of everyone else’s mouthes because you’re desperately looking for yourself in them, wearing their faces like masks to see if they fit.

look around… look at whats happening.

they’re sinking into the same screens you discovered yourself on, trying to be you…

my first love… was… is.. me.

maybe it’s time we say goodbye to each other.

so we can be with other people.

i’ll always…. love you, and i hope we can be together forever one day, but for now.. i just want to be.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s