reluctantly refilling a cup
you’d watched spill too many times from a distance
i don’t know what you know, but you seem more aware of me than the mirror distorting my feelings
you tell me im lying to myself, or im lying to you, you ask me which, and i don’t know
i don’t even know why i think i need you, i don’t, but here i am again trying to find you in words you’ll never live in, or for
i know why i need you, because i need me, and i think ill find myself in you…
i don’t want to be a king, or a leader, i don’t want to follow either.
i’d just like to laugh at something you said last night while you’re asleep with your head on my stomach.
sometimes i’m not sure if i can feel happiness, so i want to feel you.
that’s not fair, but i’m not fair.
i’m not who you want me to be, i can’t even say i am who i am because tomorrow i am what i am today, but not what i was yesterday which would be… now.
then i’m scared i can’t touch anything because i’m too aware of my infectious disease.
it’s on those days in particular your disappointment feels like a reward.
it’s on those days your absence feels like a blessing.
you always say i never finish, but it’s on those days i feel complete…
at least something got done.